Dating is not an easy process. However, it’s sometimes tougher for people with ADHD, for it seems like the brain is planning against each of those steps. You text too much. You fall too fast. You worry too much. Every little thing you feel is so deep that it physically hurts you.

If this resonates with you, try to breathe slowly and deeply. You’re not problematic. Your brain is just fine in a different way. That difference can even be an advantage to you once you notice it and use it in your relationship. Keep reading to understand in-depth about ADHD and dating.

What really happens when you start dating someone new?

Novelty is the preferred food of your ADHD brain. It increases the “pleasure hormone,” Dopamine, which is the chemical that your brain produces when you feel happy. Therefore, it makes you really interested in the other person.

Other people without ADHD also experience this, but it isn’t strong enough for them to handle it. For you, it might be more intense. You might like to:

• Obsess about them all the time
• Try to see if they have sent you any texts by checking your phone every couple of seconds
• Plan the rest of your life together after the third meeting
• Feel like you cannot even concentrate on any other issue

You should not let yourself be responsible for that. Your brain is simply amazing at zeroing in on those things that make you feel good. This is known as  “hyperfocus”, and it happens to nearly every person with ADHD.

Why do your emotions feel so big?

Consequently, emotions often have a profound effect on a person with ADHD instead of just being there silently. All moods feel like they are set at maximum. The mere fact that they say “hi” rather than “hi, my life” may leave you upset and hurt. When someone takes a long time to engage you, you could say that he/she’s made up his/her mind about breaking you. It only occurs because they have trouble with emotions. The problem is hypersensitivity. 

What do you do with a situation that makes your emotions stronger than normal? Sarah, who has ADHD, expresses, “One day, when I realized I had been seeing the guy for a short time, I cried for two hours because he posted a photo with a girl. However, that was his sister. In that minute, I felt the entire world crashing down on me. It was funny, but I could not ease the feeling at all.”

The texting trap:

Actually, texts with ADHD can sometimes seem close to impossible. You may:

• Send an overly large number of messages at once
• Maybe it will take you three days the first time to realize there is someone who attempted to reach you through text
• Overanalyze every word you write
• Revealing too many personal problems to someone with whom you have no or few interactions

The extremes happen because the ADHD brain has a problem with ‘executive function’. This relates to the brain’s abilities to plan, organize, and control impulses.

Your brain does not show a caring attitude when you forget to reply to your text. It is just that your mind has been distracted by something else. Then, if you have ten texts in a row, that is because of the excitement you have, and your impulse control has been compromised.

Learning to love your ADHD brain

Fun fact: Did you know that the ADHD brain is not a bad thing? It is actually this brain that really feels, goes into a complete universe when it loves, or experiences life in color like nobody else. Indeed, ADHD is a variant, but it is also a gift in its best settings that you can show.

You do text too much, yeah. But you are also capable of loving deeply; hence, you can feel things so much more deeply, too. However, you are also gifted with drive, creativity, and the unmatched ability to love completely, which some people spend their whole lives searching for.

Take an example. Sarah, who has ADHD, expressed her feelings about her dating, “I saw that not only was it my ADHD, but also the method I used to approach it that made the dating process smoother after I stopped pretending that I was no different from others. People on the right side fell in love with my passion, while others were filtered out. It did save all the dating people from unnecessary false starts.”

Small steps that make a big difference

Actually, you do not need to change at all to have that perfect person. Nevertheless, getting to know your brain is a good way to lower the anxiety and date with more confidence. Some steps to take:

• Convey the information about what you are going through during your dates with your friends so that they can point out the pattern to you
• Switch to an hour as a buffer so that you do not send emotional texts in the heat of the moment
• Convince yourself that the two more distant/something calmer loves can be just as real as the more exciting, live, or happen-to-be.
• Being too sure: calm, true love is as opposite to an adrenaline rush as it can be.

When to seek help?

Consider seeking professional help if:

• Your emotions feel out of control
• You keep making the same mistakes in your dating life
• You feel hopeless in pursuit of love
• Your ADHD is affecting your relationships with others
• You have never been diagnosed correctly

How can a professional help change your dating life?

After a thorough assessment, a mental health professional, such as a board-certified psychiatrist, provides a personalized ADHD treatment plan that includes coping skills. Typically, some of the treatment options that help include:

• Therapy to learn relationship skills
• Medication to assist with concentration and emotions
• A session on basic brain function
• Self-encouragement to accept oneself and live a happy life
• Positive and consequential dating plans

With advanced technology, you have access to expert advice and 24/7 online psychiatrist appointments, including ADHD testing, through platforms like GABA Telepsychiatry.

Your ADHD is Not a Flaw

Your ADHD does not make you too hyper, too intense, or too complicated for a relationship. It is not so; it makes you you. The right person will not just suffer through the way your brain works; in fact, they will come to cherish it. You need a partner who laughs when he receives your midnight texts instead of being angry with you. A person who will listen to your enthusiasm about what you are talking about with awe. A person who sees the beauty in the way you feel deeply things that are difficult for others and loves you even more for it. Remember, the ADHD brain and all its emotional intensity and enthusiasm can be potentially most beautiful when it comes out.